Jodi Sta. Maria has opened up about dealing with heartbreak and finding her faith amid her own The Broken Marriage Vow.
In an interview with Karen Davila for the veteran journalist's YouTube channel, Sta. Maria shared the trials and triumphs of getting through her separation with Pampi Lacson Jr. The two separated in 2011 after being married for five years. They share a son named Thirdy, who is now 16.
With her new role as Dr. Jill Ilustre in the local adaptation of the hit UK drama Doctor Foster, Sta. Maria shared that she had to feel the pain of infidelity through her character's eyes.
"Sa personal life ko naman, hindi naman kaila sa lahat na I am separated na-The Broken Marriage Vow din ako talaga in real life." Jodi began.
"It is something na nangyari sa life ko na masasabi ko na isa sa pinaka painfu. Hindi ka naman papasok sa isang commitment o covenant para lang masira diba?"
She added that she initially felt embarrassed for not fixing their relationship.
“So during that time when my marriage didn’t work out, I felt like I was the biggest failure, the biggest joke. Nagkaron ako ng feelings of shame and guilt. Na shocks, nakakahiya. Kumbaga hindi ko ‘to na-ayos."
"Hindi ko nabigyan si Thirdy ng buong pamilya. Anong gagawin ko?"
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In her low state, Jodi revealed turning to parties with her friends as a coping mechanism to forget the pain, but it quickly became a source for another type of pain.
"I did a lot of partying just to drown down all the pain and just forget... Pagkagising mo the following day, masakit na puso mo, masakit pa ‘yung ulo mo sa hangoveer. Na-double trouble pa ko!"
Luckily, more projects came for Jodi at the time which served as a distraction. This was the time that she was cast in the hit series Be Careful With My Heart opposite Richard Yap.
She then revealed that despite the success, she still felt unhappy by not dealing with her problems. In one of the U.S. road tours, Sta. Maria shared that she started crying after singing to a crowd of 12,000 people.
The actress turned to her road manager and asked: "How come I'm still not happy? Bakit dun sa peak na yun mas lalong na-magnify yung loneliness and yung emptiness?"
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Ultimately, it was faith in Jesus Christ that led her out of her sadness. Thanks to the help of the Gary Valenciano song Take Me Out Of The Dark and the urging of fellow actress Coney Reyes to attend church, Sta. Maria found her salvation through a pastor's words.
"So I told Nanay Coney after the service, 'kinwento mo ba sa pastor yung buhay ko?' kasi sobrang swak swak swak. Ito yung dapat kong marinig sa buhay ko."
Dealing with heartbreak
When asked how she dealt with the loss of her marriage, Sta. Maria had sage advice for those wanting to be on good terms with their ex.
"I wouldn't say na after ng separation yung 'sige na let's be friends,'" she said. "A heartbreak is a heartbreak."
"You'll have to go through all these feelings of grief and loss and it's not and it will never be easy but dadating ka sa time na maiiisip mo ano mas importante: yung nararamdaman ko every day na punong-puno ng anger and resentment yung heart ko or does my soul deserve peace?"
In terms of forgiving her ex-partner, she said: "Forgiveness is a choice we have to make every single day."