[OPINION] ‘Marrying cool’: Where love draws the line
It was quite an interesting experience for someone like me to read the comments on Twitter (or is it X?) on the Joe Jonas divorce from Sophie Turner. Many were adamantly conventional (different strokes for different folks, you know), while others say it’s quite unfortunate because he married a “cool girl,” one he basically couldn’t keep up with.
My problem with that statement is that there’s also the other person, Joe, who was a bit of a homebody. Sadly though, to some, it is a euphemism for boring. If anyone’s definition of “cool” will be the standard for any relationship, then people have inadvertently put couples in very slippery situations.
When a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, it isn’t wise to be politically correct. In four years of marriage, the couple had two kids. Huge, huge deal, if you ask me, now that they’ve decided to part ways. Whether we believe it or not, children suffer the most from the missteps of their parents. For once, try asking the kids.
According to entertainment page Pop Base’s tweet, “A source tells TMZ the reason Joe Jonas filed for divorce from Sophie Turner: ‘She likes to party, he likes to stay at home. They have very different lifestyles.’”
Calling this situation a problem is definitely an understatement. But then you ask, “Aren’t we living in the 21st century where everything is inclusive, fluid, and assuredly plus-plus? Don’t get left behind, old boomer!”
Well, fake-news era Love, as some of today’s experts are saying, is “typically less poetic, less elaborate, and less metaphorical,” with very little room to compare your beloved to a summer’s day, they add.
But 21st-century “experts,” for all their scientific savvy, are not poets. Don’t get me wrong. I love science. But Love exists above a higher firmament where mostly poets dwell, not the dons of Physics. These so-called experts are unlike Pablo Neruda, whose idea of a true lover means he can say all he had not said in one kiss. Or Dylan Thomas who wrote exclusively “for the lovers, their arms around the grief of the ages,” or William Shakespeare who forever refuses to admit impediments to “the marriage of true minds.”
“Love is not love which alters when alteration finds or bends with the remover to remove. Oh no, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempest and is never shaken,” he once declared.
In the poet’s mind, for love to be Love, it must be valiant, it must be bold. It must also be exclusive if Love were to stay true to its nature.
For the strong, immutable lover, the person who loves chooses amid the throng, sharing the beloved with no other. Love may be made up of quiet moments, awkward gestures, open wounds, untimely farts, and even dizzy spells. But at the end of each day, it is “you and me against the world.”
Love is gallant, at times noble, often audacious, now and then ridiculous, defiant, even insane. Love is not for the faint of heart because it gives, unquestionably, without taking.
To recreate Love as this liquefied, molten, shape-shifting alien of a thing—with indefinite, adjustable, fluctuating hands—well, call it what you will, but that is not Love. It’s a feeling, for sure, perhaps even valid on certain occasions, but never Love.
Because where I come from, Love draws the line, holds the line.
Forcing yourself to turn into the other—Joe into a party dude, Sophie into a homebody—spells further disaster. This is why knowledge of compatibility begins with dialogue. As ancient sages have said, there are myriad uses for the tongue. Use it wisely.
Love is NOT cool, neither is it even logical. Love is gallant, at times noble, often audacious, now and then ridiculous, defiant, even insane. Love is not for the faint of heart because it gives, unquestionably, without taking.
Simply said, marriage includes a change in lifestyle. If such a change doesn’t sit well with you, do not—I repeat—do not get married. It is basic arithmetic.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not reflect the opinions of PhilSTAR L!fe, its parent company and affiliates, or its staff.