Everything I know about starting anew in life and love
No breakup is ever easy. It’s painful, confusing, and sad in every sense of the word. It took me about a year to get past my separation from my husband. There was a lot of pain and hurt, but eventually, we both saw it was for the best.
Most of us are not taught how to have uncomfortable conversations. We tend to just sweep issues under the rug and we don’t want to discuss it anymore, so what happens mostly in relationships is that the problems pile up until you just can’t take it anymore. You just wake up one day feeling like you’re not yourself anymore. You feel like your path is no longer clear.
That’s what happened to us, but it’s no one’s fault.
Breakup as a blessing in disguise
I don’t want to go too much into detail about what happened because there is no point. The most important is the energy between the two of us. It wasn’t working out anymore, it wasn’t a match anymore, and so I had to lovingly, gracefully let it go.
A breakup is not always a bad thing. It could even be a blessing in disguise, a redirection. It shows you’re not where you’re supposed to be, that there is a different path and a different plan for you.
That explains why I have no angst, no anger towards my ex-husband. I have nothing but gratitude because I really did learn a lot from our marriage, and I’m sure he did, too.
I’ve always seen life this way. When something not-so-good is happening, I look at the bigger picture and understand that everything happens for a reason. Not that I’m denying the pain—it’s more of knowing and understanding that what’s happening in front of me is not a positive thing. It’s a negative thing, a painful thing. I acknowledge that, but the reason why I’m able to handle it is because even if it hurt then, I knew that pain will serve a purpose later on.
For a year, I really took my time to feel my pain, sit with my emotions, and just really go through the process. This is the first time that I went through a breakup that I’m already conscious and aware. Before, whenever I would go through a split, I would always deal with it through partying and distracting myself. This time around, I didn’t drink, I didn’t distract myself from the pain, I really sat with my pain and I really allowed myself to feel it so I can move on without carrying that pain as I continue on with my journey.
A breakup is not always a bad thing. It could even be a blessing in disguise, a redirection.
I got back from Bali in March and by September, I was already done crying. I was transitioning into a better version of me. I started working out, exercising, baking, singing, and dancing.
What peace really means to me
I’m the type of person that when I’m done, I’m done. It means I’ve exhausted all efforts and I’ve tried everything I could to make it work. I’m clear because I’m honest with myself and with everyone around me. I don’t lie. I don’t live a life of lies and fakery. I feel that it’s much easier to live with integrity because I get to sleep more peacefully at night. I do what I say, I say what I do. Life is just flowy, it’s aligned.
People think peace is when everything is happy and everything that’s happening in your life is only all the good things. But peace is a constant feeling of just being okay with the present moment, not needing anything more, not craving anything more, and not needing to control what’s happening. Peace is being okay with whatever is in the present moment.
It is what it is. Why should I resist? Why should I waste my energy for one thing to be a certain way when it can’t? I just have to accept and surrender, no matter how difficult that can be.
At this point, you’re probably wondering if it still hurts. My answer is no more. Not anymore.
I still have my whole life ahead of me. I have so many dreams that I want to fulfill, so the hope is stronger than the hurt. My hope is always stronger than the hurt. Now, I’m choosing to move forward with hope, faith, and love.
How I’m starting life anew
I’m letting go of energy that no longer serves me by using most of my time for inner self-work.
That is how I want to start anew—by becoming a new and fresh version of myself. Not to say I’m going to completely change, it’s more of I’m going to keep the good parts of me, the energy that serves me. I’m going to let go of the energy that doesn’t serve me or the energy that keeps weighing me down: my toxic traits, my toxic habits.
For me, the secret of life is to keep letting go and to just stay open to the magic of the universe, open to the abundant blessings of God. When it comes to love, I don’t want to close my doors. I would say I have been speaking, forming connections and I have been just open to making new friends, and reconnecting also with old friends. I’m at a stage in my life where I am finding the people that I vibe with. I really appreciate them because it's hard to find the people you are in the same frequency with. You can’t force a connection. It really will happen naturally. When a connection is true, you won’t have to force it.
I have no angst, no anger towards my ex-husband. I have nothing but gratitude because I really did learn a lot from our marriage, and I’m sure he did, too.
As I move forward, I want a life that is not controlled by fear—fear of what others think, of what others say about me, fear of failure, fear of looking stupid in front of others. That’s how I used to live my life, based on other people’s perceptions of me. Now I want to live a life that is authentic to my soul. I plan to just keep going, to just keep living my life fearlessly, authentically, and faithfully.
Healing is not an easy path. It’s not easy work, but the more I invest my energy and time into it, the more I go deeper into myself and the more I get to know myself so I can meet life with a fresher, new, and broader perspective.