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'My relationship with my wife is on the rocks due to our political views. What do I do?'

By BṺM TENORIO JR., The Philippine STAR Published Feb 27, 2022 12:47 pm

Each week, PhilSTAR L!fe addresses a reader's concern about relationships, career, and anything they want to talk about through its advice column: Asking for a Friend.

Dear L!fe friend,

I am a Kakampink and my wife is a BBM supporter. While we have gotten past our differences before, I’ve noticed that tensions have been greatly flaring between us during the election season. Just recently, we had a huge fight at home over our political views—it almost led to a split. I don’t want to sacrifice my values and principles, but I also don’t want to lose my wife. What do I do? 

—Politically Opposite Husband

Dear Politically Opposite Husband,

The choices we make affect us. 

The choice of the 67.5 million voters of the next president of the Philippines will have a great impact on the lives of more than 112 million Filipinos. 

Your choice of going headstrong with your wife—she, for Bongbong Marcos; you, for Leni Robredo—will have a great impact, too, on your relationship. Who do you want to save—your candidate or your wife? 

The Kakampink in me says go for your wife. Your candidate will understand. Your one vote is already a statement to stand up for her, for what you believe in. But you also have to stand up for your marriage.

If you need to raise a point, raise it at a level that is mature and respectful.

To avoid big fights on your domestic front, don’t discuss politics at home. Each of us has the right to choose. We are all sentient beings who are given the chance to think, choose, and embrace our own truths and beliefs.

If you and your beloved fight over your choice of president, ang hina naman ng pagmamahalan ninyo. Whatever happened to respect your spouse? (Please tell her this, too.) The way you will save your relationship with your wife is a referendum on the maturity of your love for each other. 

If you love each other, don’t discuss politics between the two of you because it will always escalate to trouble, which will eventually sever your relationship. And it is happening now between you and her—tensions, flare-ups, fights, to quote you. Political arguments between husband and wife won’t lead to anything fruitful and peaceful. We live in a civilized and democratic society. Exercise the freedom of choice but no need to be vocal about it if it will lead to unpleasant results. Huwag kayong pikon pareho. (Your wife is not your simple friend you can debate with and if heated arguments ensue, you can just leave him or her and later on bury the hatchet. If you will bury it at all.) 

Whether you are with your partner, friends, relatives, classmates, colleagues—if you know the discussion about any topic will just lead to negative results, count up to 100 before you open your mouth. If you need to raise a point, raise it at a level that is mature and respectful. There are obnoxious people who will test your patience—I’m not saying it’s your wife—but remain calm. He who is the calmest rises above the waters. Shade No. 10 in your ballot come election day then kiss your wife. The order can be rearranged.

It may be about politics, views on how to raise your kids, management styles at home or business, ways to financial maturity, management of savings among others. Everything can be discussed between husband and wife. And if there’s no respect, things can go haywire! 

Don’t fight. Take her to dinner. Or cook for her. Buy her flowers. Make sure it’s not pink roses. Baka ihampas sa mukha mo. Make it white. For purity. For a restart. 

Everything can be discussed between husband and wife. And if there’s no respect, things can go haywire.

Meanwhile, because you mentioned that you “don’t want to lose my wife,” you and your spouse ought to discover the road to respecting each other again. That way, you will have the two ladies of your life—Leni and her. 

The former, for nation’s progress; the latter, for peace in your home and heart.

Your L!fe friend,

Büm

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